I am a do-er. I like to have several projects on the go, around at least two jobs, maybe an exam looming and definitely a cake in the oven. The archetypal multi-tasker, can’t-bear-a-wasted-day, irritating over-planner. There’s no denying that I can get a lot done in a day, and competently cope with many simultaneous tasks. And getting lots done gives me a buzz, it makes me feel great. But I also can’t deny the fact that I am somewhat of a rusher (my mum knew this all along). I didn’t refused to realise this fact until I was quite literally forced to slow down by the arrival of Miss M.
The kind of person who could not sit still to watch a film without a bundle of knitting to make it a productive hour, I was suddenly trapped in an armchair with a cluster-feeding baby who would not sleep anywhere but on my lap, all day, every day. And I’m really not that great at knitting. Molly is absolutely, unequivocally, categorically the best thing that ever happened to me, but there honestly is not enough on Netflix to get you through the first few months of breastfeeding.
I found the inactivity really hard, and it took me months to stop fighting it. I read all the articles about the baby years going by in the flash of an eye; I knew there would be years to perfect the art of French cooking or learn glass-blowing. And while I agreed with this logic in theory, I struggled to apply it on a day to day basis. I simply did not have the freedom I was accustomed to, to completely indulge myself in pleasurable activities at leisure, and I resented that any free time I now had was completely consumed in catching up on mundane but necessary things like laundry and personal hygiene.
Fast forward 18 months and I feel like out of the blue I have finally hit some sort of balance; less a conscious plan of action, more of a fortuitous crucible of changing habits, lots of mistakes, and a healthy pinch of self-reflection. Although having a baby was the catalyst that made me slow down, I think that these ideas could be used by anyone wanting to shift things down a gear.
You can say no
It’s the age old saying, you can’t please everyone. Yet a breakneck pace of life is often at least partially caused by constantly pandering to the needs and demands of others. I’m not advocating a narcissistic dismissal of friends and family; relationships are important and require time and nurturing. But really, honestly, You Can’t Please Everyone – and it’s OK to say no once in a while.
This applies to projects or hobbies too – I tend to dream big, and I used to still regularly try to bite off more than I can chew in the garden, in the kitchen, in the sewing basket. I’m slowly learning to say no to myself and to prioritise; not everyone needs a homemade birthday card, even though I love to make them; now is not an appropriate time of my life to learn the saxophone; it is not necessary to open a microbrewery in the garden this year.
Quality not quantity (stop rushing)
I know I have a tendency to rush projects when the pressure of other commitments weighs heavy. With leisure time at an all-time low, I am embracing the mantra of ‘less is more’ and trying to have just one or two projects on the side to pick up and put down again as nap time allows. This still allows me to get my creative fix, but by limiting the quantity, I feel less pressure and frustration when Molly is having a clam-baby day, and I am more likely to do a proper job and not rush my self-imposed to-do list when finally I do get an hour to indulge myself.
Something that I never considered before is the impact of rushing relationships. Life today is lived at super-sonic speed, and sometimes a 20 minute catch up over a cuppa is all that you are going to be able to give, because the kids need picking up, the dog’s been sick, grandma’s set fire to the kitchen again. But in occasionally slowing down and not trying to squeeze too many people into too short a period of time, you find yourself able to give and receive a better quality of concentration, attention and care, which in turn leads to deeper friendships and happier relationships.
The magic of 100% concentration (wear your boots well)
My grandpa (and probably some famous person) used to say, ‘if a job is worth doing, it’s worth doing well’. This was echoed in the mantra of a wonderful doctor friend who shared with me her method for giving her all to her patients every single day, no matter what was going on in her personal life. Before she goes to work, she puts on her imaginary ‘doctor boots’; she physically digs her heels in, wiggles her toes, and uses her boots to ensure that she is completely mentally committed to the task ahead.
I have lots of boots, and have found out the hard way that it is very difficult to wear all my boots at the same time. If I try to wear too many boots at once, I inevitably stumble and trip, scuff my lovely boots and start questioning whether this is actually the right pair of boots for me at all, simply because I have not worn them well. I change my boots several times a day, but have to try to control my impulses to wear my favourite boots too much or too soon, or to neglect a boring pair of boots that will nonetheless nag the back of my mind. Wear your boots well, and fairly, and your boots will love you back.
Doing absolutely nothing at least once a day is really, really good for your sanity
Doing nothing is my idea of a tedious, frustrating nightmare, but I gave it a go, for 10 minutes a day, and incredibly, I didn’t implode from sheer ennui. At the risk of sounding a little bohemian, try just sitting quietly in a comfy chair with a cup of tea and no lists, no electronics, no conversation, and just let yourself be…. its strangely therapeutic. Honest.
Life Of The Bear's Wife 