Two Year Olds are NOISY – our local playgroup is bleddy fabulous, not least for the fact that there is a rolling cake rota and endless coffee on tap for the frazzled zombies mums. But I have considered suggesting that ear plugs be included in the admission price, because the volume can reach truly stunning levels (usually as the sugar rush hits after pilfering all of mums cake and ignoring the healthy snack table – they aren’t stupid).
Two Year Olds are QUIET – and it’s almost always a cause for suspicion. Like the time when I dared to enjoy the peace and quiet for the 90 seconds it took to make myself a cuppa, and then walked back into the lounge to find her painting her newborn brother’s face with Sudocrem.
Two Year Olds are SMELLY. Really. Really. Smelly. I was so incredibly proud when Molly did her first solid deposit on the potty. I think I literally clapped. I then realised very rapidly that cleaning poop out of a potty is immeasurably less pleasant than dealing with a full nappy. It doesn’t make the task any more pleasurable to have its grinning perpetrator happily describing the colour, size and shape of her work as you try to figure out the best position to wipe her up in. I try to avoid wishing away these young years, with a few big exceptions. Bring on the age where she can deal with her own business and wiping duties on a flushable loo, behind a closed door. Maybe at that point, the commentary will stop too.
Two Year Olds are MASSIVE – when towering over a baby sibling, when they sneak in for a midnight cuddle and end up taking up the entire king sized bed, when they go up a shoe size every two months, when you start to decline the highchair in the restaurant, when you struggle to carry their sleepy weight from the car seat up to bed.
Two Year Olds are TINY – and it is so easy to forget they are in fact barely out of baby-hood when they are starting preschool, reciting books by heart and outperforming most lawyers in an argument. Huge emotions and new experiences are overwhelming their little minds, and exhausting as it is to deal with, it is worth remembering that parents form a safe environment in which our toddlers can experience and explore the capacity of their ever-growing minds.
Two Year Olds are RUDE – and have zero brain-to-mouth filter. I know that this is developmentally appropriate and is at times completely hilarious. And by hilarious, I mean that it was hilarious for me to hear of how uncomfortable she made the hubbie when they popped to the local shop and ended up on one of those awkward routes where you bump into a complete (and in this case, rather large) stranger in every aisle and the mutual amused raised eyebrows/resigned smile/we’re-not-following-you joke starts to wear thin after the eighth bypass. She increased the discomfort 100-fold by inquiring loudly at each meeting whether Daddy had seen “THAT BIG FAT MAN? DADDY?? DADDDDDYYY??”.
Two Year Olds are PATRONISING. Like all households with young kids, we have seen certain TV shows and movies so many times that I sometimes sing the theme tune in my sleep. The current favourite is ‘Stick Man’. So, when we were walking to the park last Tuesday, I saw a Stick Man-esque stick on the floor and decided to embark on an imaginative journey of make-believe. “Oh, Molly, look!” I whispered, in tones of reverent amazement. “It’s..I think…oh, could it be…yes…it’s Stick Man!!” She looked at the floor with barely concealed contempt at my discovery. “No, Mummy. That’s just a stick.”
Two Year Olds are LOVING – Miss M has always been a tactile toddler, and far from having jealousy issues when baby bro came along, she adores him with her whole being, which often results in adult intervention to ensure that he is still getting enough oxygen through her cuddles. She is also obsessed with holding his hand at any opportunity – in the car, in the kitchen, on the sofa, while he’s feeding, while she’s on the potty. I’m interested to see if they still do this as teenagers.
Two Year Olds are IMAGINATIVE; we have reached the beautiful stage where she is starting to use her imagination independently and is increasingly creating private little playgrounds with her mind. A dressing gown cord is a lasso, a skipping rope, a lead (and mummy is the beleaguered willing doggy). Everything must be sorted into families (big Daddy, medium Mummy, tiny baby); we have many families lodging with us at the moment, including the Stone family, the Stick family, the Cookie Cutter family, the Button family….you get the idea. At least they are quiet tenants.
Two Year Olds are PEOPLE. Parenthood is not an ownership but a stewardship. These little beings may be dependent on me, but they are not extensions of me; they are people in their own right. My job is to guide them through their childhood into adulthood, and try to equip them emotionally and socially so that when my stewardship ends, they can lead happy, balanced lives, and hopefully one day begin their own stewardships. Even from toddlerhood they deserve to be listened to and validated. They need space to discover the world without mummy hovering over them, to make their own mistakes and discoveries. They are entitled to absolute bodily respect and should be educated to extend that respect to others, without prejudice. They need to be equipped with manners, social skills and empathy that make them valued and positive members of society. They merit self-respect, self-confidence and self-knowledge in order that they might successfully know their own minds and follow their own dreams.
Because, above everything that two year olds can be – even in the space of one excruciating, challenging, endless day – they are PEOPLE.